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It’s 6:45 on a Monday night.  I am in our family kitchen checking the lasagna,  frantically tossing salads and slicing garlic bread.  The table in our dining room has been extended with a card table at one end and a folding table perpendicular to one side.  Table cloths are in place; cloth napkins and forks are at every one of the 24 seats and spare napkins and forks are stacked for any surprise guests.

The front door is unlocked because on Monday nights, our house is everyone’s “home” and kids can just walk right in. Within fifteen minutes, our kitchen, living room and dining room will be full of hungry kids.  Places are being staked out at the table with cell phones and car keys.  Kids are catching up with their friends, and my husband and I are getting ready for the cattle call.

This is Family Dinner.

For going on four years now, my family and I have hosted dinner in our home for a gaggle of high school seniors every Monday night.  This tradition began in 2016 as a happy accident when a couple high school girls from our church came over to welcome an intern who would be living with us for the summer.  They stayed for dinner, enjoyed it, and Family Dinner was born.

The initial two girls invited two friends, who invited two friends and you know the rest.  Three months in, we were averaging 8 to 10 kids every Monday night.  As it turns out, teenagers like hanging out with a family – especially one that isn’t their own.  We kept it up for the entire school year thinking it would end with graduation.  Those kids – the Family Dinner Class of 2017 – weren’t having it, so we continued through the summer until they all left for college

Towards the end of that summer, the kids began insisting that we do this for the next class of seniors.  To our surprise, our kids (then in 7^th and 9^th grade) had come to love it as much as my husband and I did and begged us to keep going, so the family was all in for another year.

I coordinate the crazy by sending out a GroupMe every Sunday asking the kids to like the message if they’re coming.  This trick gets me a headcount that is about 95% accurate.  It also makes for an interesting text trail as the year goes on and they get more comfortable with us.  (We had a whole video exchange one year when a girl couldn’t figure out how to kill a spider on her ceiling.  I was DYING laughing at the kids’ strategies and comments.)  And, the GroupMe conversations live on after the kids go to college –an awesome way to stay in touch.

I cook a range of dishes from scratch because I want it to feel like a traditional “family dinner” but please know that if you decide to try Family Dinner yourself, you can do it low brow and cheap and the kids will still show up and eat every bite.  In fact, I think their enjoyment of the food is inversely related to the time and expense that went into making it.

We kick everyone out by 9:30  because SLEEP.

My husband and I are “around” and, as the year goes on, the kids spend more time hanging out with us and talking to us about their problems/successes.  And, we are fortunate that many of them still come by and see us when they are home from college – even spawning “Reunion Family Dinners” during the holidays.

Other than starting my own family, this might be the single most fulfilling thing I have ever done.

Also, I have found Family Dinner translates to my career.  I have hosted numerous dinners in my home to connect clients, colleagues, and friends with each other and absolutely nothing compares to a fun relaxed dinner in your home for establishing relationships between people.

Try it.  Let’s start a Family Dinner movement.

Yesterday, on  the way from work to a holiday event, I got in a car accident.  Everyone involved was unhurt and my car suffered blessedly minimal damage such that I could drive away after all of the accident reporting was complete.

I was uncharacteristically calm throughout the whole ordeal.  If anything, I was absolutely overcome with gratitude that everyone was OK and this accident was not going to send my family into a financial or logistical tailspin.  I remembered with incredible clarity an accident I had while I was in law school in California.  I recall freaking out about finding someplace to get my car fixed, paying the deductible, getting to work and school while I was carless, etc.  I am grateful for the lessens I learned through that experience and oh so grateful that I am where I am now.

And so begins my annual Thanksgiving gratitude list.

This year I am grateful for so very much.  My family for sure tops the list, but this is a professional blog so I am going to focus on that part of my life.

Girls’ Dinners

This was the Year of Connection for me.  In addition to hosting our weekly high school student dinners, I began hosting Girls’ Dinners for some of my personal and professional friends that I felt needed to meet each other.  It has been deeply rewarding to get to know these women better and  to watch new relationships form between them.  And what a blast we have had in the process!

Leadership Birmingham

I am grateful that I was selected for Leadership Birmingham this year after four years of applying.  When I met my classmates at our orientation retreat, I understood completely why I had not been selected earlier.  These people are World Changers.  I am so grateful for each and every one of them and the experiences we are sharing learning about our city, its challenges and its opportunities.

The Powerful Women of Legal BD

This year, I met some wonderful people in the world of legal business development — my self-professed passion pursuit.  Jill Weber generously shared some of her impressive knowledge garnered through years of being the Chief BD Officer at Stinson LLP.  Jenna Schiappacasse of Rosenberg Martin educated me through the many articles she has written and a podcast on which she spoke and then even gave me an hour of her time to answer my many questions and let me pick her brain.

Andrea Maciejewski with Levenfeld Pearlstein continues to be my law firm marketing sensei.  She is incredibly generous with her time and knowledge.  And she is a marketing genius.  Just Google LMA awards and her name and you will understand why I make that statement.

While in Los Angeles, I reconnected with a law school friend who is now the CMO of Stradling Yocca, Robin Gerard, and she has been such a great resource on that community, helping me identify conferences worth attending and people to learn from.

Steve Martin

As in years past, I am grateful to the architecture community.  Steve Martin with Gensler will always be the bellwether for thoughtfulness and generosity within this profession.  I planned a trip to DC earlier this year and he kindly set up a morning of tours of the most interesting law firm build-outs in town.  And then he brought a nice bottle of wine along for the executive directors of each firm to thank them for letting him show off their space.  I could regale you with other stories of his thoughtfulness but I would have room for nothing else in this post.  If you run into him, however, ask him about the wedding cake or the flag!

Mark Hanson

I also traveled to Minnesota and Los Angeles this year, and an assortment of architects, law firms and business people generously allowed me to tour their spaces as they shared the stories behind each build out.  My friend Mark Hanson of Irell & Minella both invited me to speak on a panel to West Coast law firm leaders and helped me set up tours of progressive new law firm spaces in Los Angeles.  Like Steve Martin, Mark’s generosity is storied: ask him how many kids besides his own he has put through college!

Magic City Woodworks and the Birmingham Education Foundation

I am grateful that I was asked to join two boards this year: Magic City Woodworks and the Birmingham Education Foundation.

If you have followed this blog for the last year, you know how passionate I am about both causes.  And as much as I value the service opportunities, I also have a ton of fun because the fellow board members I serve with are top notch.  These are both truly “working boards” and absolutely everyone pulls their weight.  And don’t get me started on the generous souls that lead each organization, Lawrence Sheffield and JW Carpenter; I’ll be in tears.

My Client Friends

Last but certainly not least, I am grateful for the many clients I also have the pleasure of calling friends.  Especially the ones with whom I can be 100% authentic.  I learn from them.  I fight for them.  I have fun with them.  We are on the same team.  What more could a person ask for?

It’s almost Thanksgiving, and man, am I thankful. 2018 has been a year of big career changes for me and I look back on all of them with tremendous gratitude.

A Sabbatical

This was the year I left big brokerage after 21 years.  While I had some of the best mentors at JLL, Staubach and Colliers and they were great places to learn commercial real estate, I needed a change.  I am immensely grateful for the ability to take a leap of faith and leave my previous position in April without knowing what my next step was going to be.  I had the good fortune of being able take a short sabbatical to figure out what the next right thing for me was.

Not being one to sit still for long, it took me the first two full weeks to truly relax, but it was pure heaven.  I exercised (a lot), read (a lot), hung out with my family, and even binge watched a little Netflix.  But, I was restless and  needed a new mountain to climb.  And I missed my clients.  I saw this sign in an office this year:

It hit home.  I was ready to get back to work.

A New Challenge

In that vein, I owe a big debt of gratitude to Meredith Calhoun, who recruited me to take her place as COO of Corporate Realty as she left to pursue her entrepreneurial dreams.

Meredith and Corporate Realty CEO Robert Simon shared their vision for Corporate Realty with me and convinced me (someone with no experience in development) that my unique background could be of value in helping achieve this vision.  They also helped me realize that this role would give me the perfect opportunity to continue growing professionally.

Professional Women and the Men Who Love Them

On my first day at Corporate Realty, I was immersed in development and brokerage meetings.  And each meeting contained numerous strong, smart, professional women.  If commercial real estate is not your world, you might think this is no big deal, but I assure you, it is.  Especially in the South.

I soon learned that all of the men working at Corporate Realty are married to strong, smart women and they clearly value this about their wives.  This is so evident in our office culture.  I have never worked on such a level playing field in my life and it is a game changer.  If your company isn’t there yet, keep pushing.  It’s a goal worth achieving.

Downtown BHM

I am oh so thankful to be back in a downtown office.  There is so much energy and activity in downtown Birmingham these days and it is a ton of fun to be a part of it.

Speaking of downtown, this year, I was introduced to the team at Orchestra Partners.  Holy he11.  This young Birmingham development company is betting on Birmingham in a big way and it is super inspiring.  Pay attention.  Support their efforts.  We need people like them.

My Work Wife

I am also thankful to have a true brokerage partner in Emily Byrd; she’s the sh*t[i].  We share an office, a workload, a ton of laughter and a love of French fries.  And on the downtown Birmingham note, I am grateful for Carrigan’s French fries, to which Emily introduced me.  If you haven’t had them, you are missing out.

Chocolate at Work: A Mixed Blessing

I used to be grateful for Corporate Realty’s chocolate drawer.  Yep, drawer — we have a huge file drawer full of chocolate.

Now I am thankful for my co-worker, Becky Carpenter, who – like me – realized having access to a drawer of chocolate wasn’t always a good thing.  We made a pact to stay out of it until Christmas.  And we put teeth into that pact:  Becky and I each wrote a check to the Birmingham Education Foundation, a cause we are both passionate about.  We also each wrote a check to a cause we affirmatively do not support and with which we never want our names associated.  If we make it to Christmas without hitting the drawer, the Ed Foundation checks get cashed.  If either of us capitulates, that person’s check to the “bad cause” gets cashed and she will be on record as a supporter.  We call it “the nuclear option.”  So far, so good.[ii]

[i] Editorial emphasis added by proofreader, Emily Byrd.

[ii] By the way, Chocolata chocolate was deemed an exception to this pact as (1) it is a delicacy in which you cannot possibly overindulge and (2) when you have the opportunity to eat Chocolata, you should most certainly do so.

 

Last month, Levenfeld Pearlstein (“LP”) invited me to their annual LP Women’s Event, giving me a great excuse to visit Chicago. It was absolutely time and money well spent!

The Why

The purpose of LP’s Women’s Event is to connect LP’s clients and friends in a meaningful way.  This focus on connection is integral to LP’s culture.  In fact, their website says “Growing our network and making connections in and among our clients is one of LP’s top priorities.”  What a value-add proposition!

I admit that although I love this firm, I was not sure if they could successfully pull this off –   connecting people while also running a profitable law firm is a tough thing to do. Could they really make it happen?

[I should note that my initial skepticism was completely unjustified. In every experience I have had with LP, they have blown me away with their focus on service.]

 

LP absolutely made the magic happen.

The Invite

The experience started with an invitation which read:

“We believe only good things can happen when you put smart, talented, successful women in a room together.  Join us for this dinner party where the featured guests are you and many other brilliant women we know.”

Per Andrea Maciejewski, the firm’s CMO, each LP female professional was asked to invite two women (clients or friends) who they thought would enjoy an evening of laughter and networking.  (While I am not a client of LP, they still befriended and invited me.)

When I RSVP’d, I received a message that said “To help us better prepare for this event, tell us what you hope to accomplish this year.”

Let me just lay this out for you: LP created a networking event to connect their clients and friends and then asked each guest what kind of connections would be most helpful to them.  Holy $h!t.

The Event Itself.

On May 31^st, I showed up fifteen minutes late (Chicago traffic!) at a hip-looking, warehouse-y place and was greeted with a hug and a smile by Maciejewski.  Until that moment, we had only spoken on the phone, but she made me feel like an old friend.

Maciejewski immediately introduced me to Deborah Knupp, Managing Director, (a.k.a. b@d@ss), for GrowthPlay, a law firm business development and client service consulting firm, because Maciejewski knows of my obsession with both subjects.  We chatted as other LP women mingled and introduced guests to each other.

Connecting Is an Action

Each introduction went something like this: (1) resume – who each woman works for, what they do and why they should meet and (2) kudos – telling each person what makes the other person great.

This form of introductions is straight out of the well-known business book Tribal Leadership.  In Tribal Leadership, the authors tell the story of CBRE legend Darla Longo and how she is acclaimed for building “triad” relationships.

Per the book, when you connect two of your contacts in a triad, they establish a relationship that no longer requires you to be involved.  Those individuals take the relationship beyond the point of interaction with you. Contrast this with a hub and spoke relationship where your presence as the hub is always necessary to connect the two spokes (your contacts).

 

Longo is apparently a master at triads and hosts an annual event much like LP’s where her sole purpose is connecting people with each other. In Longo’s instance, she “receives loyalty and followership by creating relationships between other people.”[i]

“If you build the relationship between two people and then walk away, most of them will praise your efforts.  You’ve increased the respect you get by showing the same to other people.”[ii]

[Side note: I was first introduced to Tribal Leadership by one of Longo’s colleagues, CBRE Managing Director Natalie Bazarevitsch, back in 2008 and have found that creating these triad relationships is infinitely rewarding, both personally and professionally.]

Dinner

The connecting activity continued into the dinner portion of the LP event where one of the female partners welcomed us with a short speech encouraging us to leave the event with at least one new friend and one new connection.  This really set the tone for a great evening.

The Seating Plan

All attendees were seated at preassigned tables, each of which included nine women: three LP ladies and six guests.

It was clear from the table discussions that the LP table hosts had been provided with the table guests’ responses to the “what do you hope to accomplish” question from the RSVP.  All of the hosts went to great effort to ensure they were helping their guests meet people who might assist in each woman’s goals.

Another subtle touch? To facilitate an exchange of business cards, LP gave each attendee a leather business card case embossed with “Empowered Women Empower Women.”

The Net Result?

A great night.  I laughed so hard my stomach hurt, empathized with other working moms, learned  new things, and made some new friends.  I think my LP hosts had to kick me out so they could all go home to their families.  (As my energy level peaks at about nine am, this is saying something.)

Thank you, LP.  You put your time and money behind adding value to your clients and the connections made at this event are a great example of how you do it.  If you are a general counsel and you have not checked out this firm, do it!

[i] Logan, David (David Coleman).  Tribal Leadership: Leveraging Natural Groups to Build a Thriving Organization.  Collins, 2008.  p. 184.

[ii] Ibid. p. 190.